


Gray Space

by I_ship_johnlock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Abuse, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cas is kinda an ass, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Human Castiel, M/M, No color until the meet their soulmate, Oops I've decided I'm killing someone later hehe, Rape, Soulmates, You'll find out who later, first fic, jerky characters suck, the death is canon hint hint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-01 15:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2778272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_ship_johnlock/pseuds/I_ship_johnlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU idea taken from a tumblr post where the world is black and white until you meet your soulmate</p><p>Most people meet their soulmate before they're 20 but dean is 30 now and still hasn't found his, but a stop at his local coffee shop will change everything</p><p>Depending on how this story goes I might turn it into a proper story not just a one shot</p><p>Update: I'm turning this into a proper story. I have no idea how long it will be or when I'll be updating though. </p><p>*this is my first fic any advice would be greatly appreciated</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to keep writing this if anyone would be willing to beta it can you please leave a comment. Thanks
> 
> You can follow me on Instagram at legacycas and tumblr at destiel-besties

Dean had been seeing in black and white for his entire life and had just about given up on ever seeing color. “Your soul mate is out there waiting for you Dean” his mother would always say, but after 30 years he didn’t believe her. 30 years of waiting for bright colors to appear.

His brother Sam had been seeing in color since he was 18. It was the year he went to Stanford, he had walked into his dorm and seem a beautiful girl sitting there taking to his roommate. She tuned around and smiled at him when she walked in. “Hi I’m Jessica, but you can call me Jess.” He had gasped and whispered “so that’s color.” Jess giggled and said “so you see them to.” At least that’s how he tells it. His roommate claims he stuttered out “your eyes have color” then fainted. The way it’s told doesn’t matter though because this was the day dean winchester stopped believing his mom.

One morning Dean decided to walk to the local coffee shop. He got out of his bed that was different shades of gray to him but his brother who he had taken with him to get it said was brown and blue. He put on his dark gray jacket that his dad had told him was brown, and his black boots that he knew were black. Then he walked out of his house and jumped in his black impala and drove to Cafe la Gabe. As he walked in the bells jingled and he went to sit at his usual table. He smiled as the owner, a short man named Gabe, walked over

“The usual?” He asked.

Dean nodded. 

“Ok I’ll have our new waiter cas bring it over.” Gabe winked as he walked away and dean rolled his eyes. Gabe was always trying to set him up even though he knew dean didn’t believe he would ever find someone he truly loves.

"Here’s your-" Cas cut off his sentence because all of a sudden his world exploded in bright colors. 

His day had been terrible so far he had dropped two plates and spilled three cups of coffee today alone, but Gabe being his brother just shrugged it off, pronounced that "shit happens" and gone to fix what he'd done. Now though his day was turning around, at least that's what most people would think. At 34 cas had given up on finding his soulmate long ago, but here he was a tall man who was smiling up at him with bright eyes. "Hi I’m Dean" he had said "and you must be Cas."


	2. Rejection?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has met his soulmate, but is this what he really wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how often I'll update this story but I'll try to get at least one chapter up a week thanks for all the kudos I honestly didn't expect this fic to be anything more than that first chapter but here it it chapter 2 (it's really short I just wanted to elaborate on how soul mates works and what's going on with cas)  
> Sorry about all the dialog at the beginning 
> 
> Please leave advice and comments it's much appreciated

Cas shook his head this couldn't happen to him after all of his years of searching he finally had given up, but here he was staring at his soulmate. "No." Cas said "This can't be right." Deans smile faltered and he started to look worried as Cas quickly put down the sandwich and sprinted to the break room.

"Cassie, what's wrong?" Gabe asked.

"Everything" Cas mumbled.

"Did you spill more coffee?" His brother teasingly replied.

"No I didn't spill anymore fucking coffee!" Cas angrily yelled back

Gabe was startled by his brothers yelling and jumped slightly "Did something happen with Dean? At least give the guy a chance he hasn't found his soulmate yet either."

"That's the fucking problem Gabe. He is my soulmate!"

"Cassie, how is that a problem. You've been searching since you were 10."

"I'd finally given up on the search, my life was on track, and now some random guy is in my life who I just have to accept is my soulmate! How do you want me to react?"

"When I met Kali I hugged her so tight she almost passed out."

"Yeah, but you were 15 not a 34 year old who's relying on a job from his brother to pay rent."

"Cas just get out there and talk to him he's your soulmate not some random guy trying to hook up with you"

"No" with this Cas stood up, walked out the the break room, and ran out the door.

When Cas got home he walked to his living room and sat down. His couch sunk down under his familiar weight and when he looked around he saw how bright his apartment was. Gabe had always said it was bright but he'd never understood it, but now what's used to have been various shades of gray was now replaced my bright colors that for some reason reminded him of spring. Just now cas realized why people liked finding soul ages so young Cas had no idea what green, blue, purple, yellow, red, what all the colors looked like. He sighed and grabbed his laptop which he immediately realized was actually gray.

When he had opened a browser he began typing "i've found my soulmate what are the colors" not thinking he clicked on the first link. It was a government website that explained how scientist understood soul mates.

"A soulmate is the only person in the world who is capable of fully understanding your thoughts and feeling. You will know you have met them when you see color for the first time. If your soulmate dies before you meet them you will never see in color, but if you meet your soulmate and then they die you will continue to see the beautiful colors of the world. On rare occasion someone can reject their soulmate. You will no longer feel romantic or sexual feelings toward your soulmate if this occurs. Rejection occurs when for whatever reason you are unable to trust your soulmate or they are unable to trust you. Other reason this may occur is one of you not wanting to accept your soulmate. Although this is the rarest reason it is possible for you to convince yourself enough that you don't love your soulmate that you will reject them. If this way of rejection occurs your world will go back to black and white."

After the article there was a list of colors and a picture to show what they look like. Cas read through them and studied the colors mentally linking them with objects in the room. He linked red with his bright walls, purple with the couch, and yellow with the bright blanket. He decided that although all the bright colors were overwhelming and they sort of clashed he liked it. When Cas reached green he couldn't help but think of Dean's eyes and of the way his eyes twinkled when he smiled. Cas tried to push the thought from his mind and it was with this that he decided he didn't care if he lost being able to see the bright colors, he was going to find a way to reject dean.


	3. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deans POV and look on the events of the previous chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean seems out of character in this chapter oops maybe i'll fix that later. Ugh why are my chapters so short at least I update daily I might keep writing short chapters and updating often or should I write longer chapters and update like once a week. Help what do you guys think leave answer in the comments please 
> 
> Also thanks for the kudos!
> 
> I'm also still looking for a beta reader if anyone's interested  
> Update: I now have a beta reader so I'm all set yay

After Cas has given him his sandwich and basically gotten out of there as quickly as possible Dean was stunned to say the least. He sat there staring at the door Cas had run through playing the events over in his head time after time. He was so stunned he wasn't even paying attention to how bright the cafe now was. After about a minute Dean heard yelling, he recognized the voices as Gabe and Cas, but couldn't hear what they were saying. Suddenly the door flew open almost hitting a passing server and Cas ran out quickly leaving the building. Soon Gabe followed he sighed as he walked over to Dean 

"I'm sorry about my brother's behavior. The whole finally finding his soulmate thing is a little much for him it would seem." Gabe said almost sounding like he was talking about a child not a 34 year old man.

"Wait Cas is your brother?" Dean replied looking confused.

"Yeah, he's younger by two years. Anyway, when he turned 23 he decided he would never find his soulmate and gave up looking. After that he sort of became an introvert, but I'm sure he'll come around eventually. If you want to try and talk to him I could give you his number."

"No, it's fine I'll give him space. You have my number, just give me a call when he's calmed down a bit and I'll stop by the cafe."

"Ok. Well enjoy your sandwich." Gabe said, maybe just a little to cheerfully.

"Thanks Gabe see you later." He added with a slight chuckle.

As Dean ate his sandwich he looked around the cafe from his seat in the corner at all the colors and every once in a while he would stop a someone and ask "Excuse me but what's that color called?" Most people just smiled and happily told him, but it seems old ladies found it necessary to ask him all about his soulmate and to tell him all about theirs and the story of how they had met. After this happened twice Dean just stopped asking people who looked old enough to be grandmothers. 

When Dean was done eating he got up to leave, but as he was leaving Gabriel yelled "See you later almost bro!" Dean responded by casually turning around and flipping him off. As he walked out the door Dean could hear Gabe quietly chuckling

When he finally got home Dean walked through his small house. He would touch object and quietly whisper their colors if he knew them or if he didn't he would link it with something he had seen outside so he could google it later. After about five minutes dean decided on his favorite color. The color reminded him of winter and being cold, but it also made his happy. The only problem was he didn't know what it was called. He walked to his bedroom and sat on the queen sized bed thinking of why it made him so happy. Then he remembered Cas's eyes they had been this color. He decided he would find this color if it was the last thing he did. He knew it was one of the colors of his bed but he didn't know if it was brown or blue. Dean finally decided to google it he. Started with blue simply because it sounded like a nicer color, and sure enough it popped up on his screen. "Blue." Dean whispered to himself "Blue." He repeated one more just a little but louder. After this he put down his computer and lied on his bed thinking of Cas's bright blues eyes and how bright they shined in the soft light of the cafe.


	4. See You Then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a call from his mom Cas decides to text Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it!!!  
> This is my first chapter I've published after it was beta read and without my beta reader this chapter would have sucked so thank you so much Beth

"I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him." Cas was pacing his living room repeating this over and over again. I'll believe it if I say it enough he promised himself before bed. This has been his routine for the past week, repeating the same four words over and over again when ever he could, and promising himself that eventually it would be true. He dreaded work and his life was falling apart even though he hadn't run into Dean since that first meeting. Cas was miserable and he wanted his life to go back to normal, but the colors were a constant reminder of what had happened.

Cas came from a religious household. He went to church every Sunday and all his siblings are named after angels. The oldest Michael, then Lucifer, his mother would always argue that Lucifer was the angel and Satan is the devil; there was himself, Castiel, named after the angel of Thursday, and lastly there was Gabriel. His parents had taught him that it is for God to judge people, not humans. So when his phone rang at 3:07 PM on a Saturday, he didn't dread telling them he had found his soulmate, or that he was a guy. He dreaded telling them he didn't want to give him a chance. 

"Hello mother." Cas said when he picked up the phone.

"Hello Castiel. I was worried you wouldn't pick up," his mom sounded tired, but her voice was soft yet somehow powerful at the same time.

"How have you been?" Cas asked, hoping to avoid the recurring topic of soulmates.

"Good. Your father and I are currently digging wells for a orphanage in Haiti." After a short pause she continued. "How are you? Any luck with the soulmate search? I remember when I first met your father, we were so young, but I knew I loved him from moment we met." 

"I'm fine mom, and… and I found my soulmate." Cas waited for the gasp on the other line but was met with silence. "Mother?"

"Cassie, I'm very happy for you, but you don't sound happy. Is something wrong?" His mother sounded so concerned it almost made Cas want to fly to Haiti just to lay on her lap, cry, and tell his mommy what's wrong.

"Mom my soulmate is a man named Dean."

"Honey, gender doesn't matter. He's your soulmate and you are meant to be. Now if you don't give this man at least a chance, I know I'm not suppose to judge, but it will be hard not to."

"Ok Mom. Bye, I'll talk to you next week." As Cas hung up he walked over to his couch and flopped down on it face first. "Shit, I need to call Dean." Cas got up from his very uncomfortable position and called Gabe. "I need Dean's number. Do you have it?"

"Maybe. What do I get in return?" Gabe asked in his usual scheming tone.

"Gabe I'm calling him. Isn't that enough for you?"

"Fine, I'll text you his number." With that, Gabe hung up. After about a minute, Cas's phone binged and the message here's Dean-o’s number showed up.

Cas stared at the digits for about five minutes before finally sending a short text to Dean: I'm sorry I was such an ass the other day. Do you think you could give me a second chance? -Cas. Cas stared at his phone waiting for a reply. After an hour he started to doubt that Dean would reply and right when he finally put down his phone ding. Cas scrambled for his phone, almost knocking it off the table when he read the message he sighed with relief meet me at Gabe's cafe at 12 tomorrow. 

~~~

The week since meeting Cas had been hard for Dean. He still hadn't told anyone he had met his soulmate and was still trying to function normally. He had almost slipped up at work near the beginning of the week, almost asking for the red hammer instead of saying the hammer to your left. This was just too much for him. Halfway through the week he had given up and called Gabe to get Cas's number. 

"Gabe I need Cas's number."

"Dean-o, I thought you were waiting till Cas was ready." Gabe retorted, the dripping sarcasm almost tangible.

"I was, but it's been a week and I'm done waiting. I'm just gonna text him and see if he wants to talk."

"Okay, I'll give you his number. But just be warned, Cas is very stubborn." Gabe was starting to sound serious, such a rarity was meant to be taken seriously and it always made Dean nervous.

"Okay Gabe, thanks for the warning." Dean now had Cas's number but he still couldn't bring himself to send a text. He would write out the text over and over, but could never send it.

On Sunday morning, Dean woke up with a text. The little screen blinked One New Text over and over again until Dean finally opened it. I'm sorry I was such an ass the other day. Do you think you could give me a second chance? -Cas. It had been sent an hour ago, so Dean decided he didn't have to wait to reply. After rewriting his reply about ten times, he came up with a simple reply and sent it. Almost immediately his phone dinged with a reply. He clicked to view the message and smiled, putting the phone down to get dressed after reading the text. See you then was on that little screen, and he couldn't be happier.


	5. Note from author

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the next chapter is so late

Hi guys I just wanted you guys to know that the next chapter is coming soon. Sorry it's so late over my Christmas break I had no time to write. The next chapter should be up by Saturday hopefully earlier, I just have to finish the last part and send it to my beta reader. Lastly thank you for all the hits and kudos you guys have no idea how much it means to me 

-Sarah 


	6. The reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean finally meet for lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the edited version so if you read the unedited one you might want to read this one it's like 500 times better

On Monday morning, Dean woke up smiling. While he was getting ready, he had an extra skip in his step and he couldn't stop humming Bon Jovi's “Wanted Dead or Alive.” With these new colors in his life, Dean realized that he has awful fashion choices. Like, who wears a brown leather jacket with plaid? But after lots of thought he decided it wasn't that bad and threw his old jacket over his dark blue plaid shirt. On his way out, he spotted a little bottle of cologne an ex had left probably years ago. It smelled good, so he spritzed a little of it on himself before he left. Since he was early, Dean decided to walk the 2 miles to the cafe. It was a nice day with only a couple clouds so he looked forward to the walk. Watching the green trees and the different colored cars pass by was a new and enjoyable sensation for Dean. When he got to the cafe, it was only 11:30, so he went inside to talk to Gabe. 

"Mornin’ Deano! How'd it go with Cas?" Gabe said cheerfully as Dean walked through the door. 

"Cas didn't tell you? We're getting lunch today. Here." Dean replied with a short-lived look of confusion in his face.

"Well nobody does ever tells me anything, but I guess I'll let you guys eat in peace." Gabe said with mock disappointment. With this, he walked back into the kitchen. Dean could hear the man yelling at chefs about various dishes and that if they don't stop sucking, he's going to fire them all. Dean laughed at this and went to go sit down at the same seat he had been in when the first met.

After weaving through the current waiters and diners, Dean sat down on the cool, wooden chair. As he waited, his hands started to sweat and sitting still became a challenge. After checking his watch about 100 times, Dean heard the bells on the door jingle and Castiel finally walked in. Dean immediately stood up so Cas could see him, but instead almost knocked over his chair. As he scrambled to catch his chair, Cas walked over quietly chuckling.

"Need any help there?" Cas asked playfully.

"No, I think I've got it." Dean mumbled, violently blushing.

When Dean and Cas had both sat down, Gabe walked over, obviously trying not to laugh "A bottle of our finest wine for the lovely couple," he said as he put a small bottle in front of them.

"Gabe, that's apple juice." Cas pointed out while Dean laughed.

"I will also bring you both our special three cheese macaroni." Gabe said, continuing to ignore Cas.

"How is that special?" Cas asked critically while Dean continued laughing.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" Gabe asked maintaining his “server at a five star restaurant” voice.

"Yeah, you can go away." Dean blurted out while trying to catch his breath. As Gabe walked away he laughed to himself shaking his head.

"Sorry about my younger brother." Cas said when they were finally alone again.

"It's fine he's funny, at least funnier than my little brother." 

"You have a brother?" Cas responded, sounding slightly surprised.

"Yeah his name’s Sam, but I call him Sammy. The kid hates it. On his wedding day I was his best man and when I gave my speech, damn he must have tried to correct me at least 50 times. He has also has a daughter named Mary. He named her after our mom, and she looks so much like her already it scares me sometimes - sorry, I'm sure this must be incredibly boring for you. What about your family? Any other siblings besides Gabe?"

Cas smiled "It's fine, your family is far more interesting than mine could ever be. My mother and father are currently both in Haiti digging wells, one of my older brothers is a doctor and the other is a lawyer. All in all, it's not very interesting. Tell me more about Sam, it sounds like you two get along well.”

"Yeah we do. He's actually a lawyer too and his wife is a nurse. Huh, that would be funny if Sam worked with your brother, but I highly doubt your brother is a dick named Lucifer." Cas stared at Dean in shock. "Wait, is Lucifer your brother?"

Cas nodded his head. "So your brother works at Novak Law?"

"Yeah he loves it, well except for your brother." Dean looked sheepishly at Cas.

"Yeah my brother is a dick. So is Michael, but somehow the gene skipped Gabe and me. Anyway, tell me about Mary. How old is she?"

"She turns one today, they're actually having the party tonight. Hey, you should come!." Dean answered smiling. 

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to crash the party." Cas said, backtracking.

"You wouldn't be crashing it, I'm sure they'll want to meet my soulmate," Dean insisted.

Cas sighed. "Ok what time is it?"

Deans smile widened even further. "It's at 6, but it's an hour drive so I can pick you up here at five and we can drive together."

"Okay," Cas said finally starting to smile. "I guess I'll see you at five then."

When Dean checked his watch. it was almost 1. "Oh shit, I still need to get her a present!"

Cas laughed "Go get her a cute dress then meet me back here at 5 and we can talk more on the drive."

"Okay, bye Cas. See you then!"

As he watched Dean walk away he laughed at the obvious repeat of his own text. I can't wait until 5 o'clock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear at one point their food came


	7. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas finally tell the family well at least deans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now realize I use the word finally a lot
> 
> Any critiques would be welcome thank you everyone for reading

At 4:30 Cas walked into Gabe's cafe. He walked up to the cashier and ordered a cup of coffee, black, then went to sit down at the same table they had been sitting at earlier. Cas now realized that this has been the same table Dean has been sitting at when theyfirst met. As he thought about the event he frowned, that wasn't exactly how he had wanted to meet his soulmate. He had always imagined seeing him across the room, making eye contact and the room exploding in color. It was a Fairytale meeting the same kind that millions imagined. It was a meeting that has been written into hundreds of stories, in Cinderella before the prince asked her to dance this was how they had first seen each other, how they knew they were right for each other. Almost every tacky romance novel he had read had the two lovers meeting like this, and even though it almost never happened everyone dreamed of it. Cas couldn't think of any romance that had half of the couple immediately hating the other and needing his mother to convince him to give his soulmate a chance, but that was Cas his life was the exact opposite of Fairytale. He lived in a small studio apartment with light green walls that Cas was sure used to be much brighter. His stove was broken half the time, and it was freezing in the winter and felt like an oven in the summer. Cas chuckled to himself as he wondered how Dean could fall in love with a failed writer. When his coffee arrived he sat wondering if the gift he had brought was alright he didn't have much to spare and has brought her a lilac teddy bear that had been his as a child. His parents had been expecting a girl and were very surprised when he arrived, but had loved him just the same. "I guess God wants me to raise him boys." His mother had said when the nurse proclaimed "It's a boy!" 

At 5:00 on the dot Dean walked inside the cafe. He waved at Gabe as he walked over to meet Cas.

"Ready to go?" He asked smiling 

"Yeah. I brought Mary a bear that use to be mine when I was younger. Do you think that's alright?" Cas asked nervously 

"I'm sure she'll love it, well as long as it's not a real bear." Dean said jokingly.

"What would I give your niece a real bear? Cas replied obviously confused.

"No Cas it's a joke." Dean replied 

"Oh, ok." At this point Cas was embarrassed that he missed the obvious joke. "Well are you ready to go?" Cas asked trying to change the subject.

"Yeah. I'll show you my baby." Dean sounded so proud as he showed Cas his impala that Cas couldn't help but smile. 

"How long have you had her?" Cas asked trying to sound interested even though cars weren't really his thing.

"My dad gave me her on my 18th birthday. Told me I needed a car to drive myself and Sammy to school." Dean's excitement seemed to drain from his face as he thought of the memory, so Cas made a mental note not to mention his father to often.

As that started driving Cas admired the soft leather interior. "Your car looks amazing for being so old. How do you keep her so perfect?" Cas asked in awe.

Dean smiled as he answered "It's my job to fix old cars so I work on her in my free time. I actually co-own Singer's Car Shop."

"Oh, I've brought my car there. You guys have great service."

"Thanks we do do our best. I can't believe we didn't meet then, I'm there almost everyday." 

"Fate works in weird ways." Cas responded smiling.

"Hey tell me more about your family I've told you about mine." Dean said glancing at Cas briefly 

"Well my mother, Naomi, is very religious as is my father, Chuck, and they spend most of their time in other countries doing God's work. I'm assuming you know my brother Lucifer, he's the oldest, and my other older brother is Michael. He owns a medical practice in Nevada. He's also the only one of us who left California. We actually grew up in San Diego near the border. My parents were fond of going to Mexico and helping the poor when we were younger, but I moved out to Santa Cruz for college. I majored in creative writing at UC Santa Cruz, then when Gabe moved out he decided he liked the idea of owning a cafe here so he moved here with his girlfriend. She actually works at the jewelry shop across the street, but that's about all." When Cas finished speaking he turned to Dean.

"I thought you said your family wasn't interesting." Dean said turning to look at Cas again.

"Eyes on the road!" Cas said gripping his seat as Dean started to swerve out of his lane a bit.

"I'm fine." Dean replied calmly correcting the car's movement.

While they continued their drive in silence Cas looked out the window. He had always loved the drive from Santa Cruz to Palo Alto where Sam apparently lived. As they drove past another beach Cas watched surfers riding big blue waves and children diving into the dark water. He quietly laughed when he saw a group of children burying their friends legs under the sand like he used to do to Gabe. 

When Dean cleared his throat Cas turned to him "So you said you majored in writing. Do you still write?" Dean nervously asked.

Cas smiled "Yeah I'm working on a book right now. It's about an angel and a monster hunter. The angel fell from heaven and dragged the hunter out of hell after the sorry ass sold his soul to save his little brother. I think I'm gonna call it Supernatural."

Dean laughed "That sounds like something I would do for Sam."

"Maybe I'll name the hunter Dean and his brother Sam then. I'm still plotting so I'll change their names."

"Well I'll tell you what Cas you already have your first reader." Dean said enthusiastically

"Thank you Dean." Cas replied sounding a little bit embarrassed.

The rest of the drive was filled with classic rock, which Dean was a big fan of, the occasional joke from Dean or Cas, and little conversations about random things like their favorite color. Dean's was blue, and Cas's was green, but they both swore up and down it wasn't because of the others eyes. When they arrived at Sam's small house in Palo Alto pink and purple balloons were tied to the mailbox which read WINCHESTER in neat white letters. Dean and Cas walked up to the door and knocked, when the door was opened a tall man opened the door. 

"Dean! I missed you it's been too long. Who's your friend?" Sam asked enthusiastically.

"It's only been two weeks Sammy, and this is Cas. Are we the first ones here?" Dean asked stuttering over his introduction of Cas.

"Well welcome Cas, and yeah your the first ones here as always. Haven't you ever heard of being fashionably late?"

Dean laughed as he walked in the door with Cas close behind. When they walked into the living room they were greeted by a blonde woman and a baby, whom Cas assumed was Mary.

"Jess this is Cas." Sam said as he walked over to his wife and daughter

"Hi Cas it's nice to meet you." Jess said warmly.

"Hi it's nice to meet you too." Cas said nervously 

Jess then turned to Dean "How did you and Cas meet?" She asked.

"Umm well actually I have something to tell you, if it's ok with Cas."

"We might as well." Cas replied quietly moving behind Dean as he spoke.

"Well I might as well be blunt. Cas and I are soul mates." Dean said with worry written all over his face.

Sam and Jess both smiled "That's great guys! You've been looking for your soulmate for forever. Congratulations guys!" Jess placed Mary on the floor and pulled Cas and Dean into a tight embrace. She smelled like spring and barely came up to their shoulders. Cas and Dean both hugged her back hard before letting go. When she looked at them again she had tears in her eyes.

"Sorry I didn't want to ruin Mary's party and I figured you would know because for once the dress I bought her is actually cute." Dean said laughing lightly.

"Dean really I'm happy for you guys." Sam said "Welcome to the family Cas." As Sam said this the doorbell rang 

"Oh I'll get it. Sam will show you two where to put the gifts." Jess said as she ran off with mary to open then door.

"Well look at her isn't she the cutest birthday girl in the world." A deep voice said when the door opened.

"Oh that must be Bobby. I'll introduce you, he's the other owner of the auto shop." Dean said still smiling.

Cas didn't think he had ever been more nervous than he was now, but the next half hour seemed to past in seconds. So many names were swirling around in his head as he tried to connect them with faces. Occasionally he would have a short conversation, but he mostly stayed with Dean. When everyone was there sam stood on the couch and yelled to get everyone's attention. When everyone was looking he smiled at Cas and Dean and started talking.

"Ok, so I know this day is about my beautiful daughter but I also have another announcement to make. Dean has finally found his soulmate." Sam was smiling at Cas and Dean as there faces both turned bright red. "So I just wanted to say congrats to him and Cas because I know he won't tell anyone because he doesn't want to ruin the day, but congrats to Cas and Dean and happy birthday Mary." With this Sam jumped off the couch and smirked at Dean.

"Well that happened." Dean said, and Cas couldn't help but laugh. For the next ten minutes the pair was overwhelmed by smiles, hugs, congratulations, and people welcoming Cas to the family. All of a sudden the room didn't seem so packed and Cas didn't feel so nervous.

Later during the night gifts were opened by a squealing Mary who spent most of the night chanting "Mama, dada, deenee." Over and over again. Cas decided that Jess was possibly the most interesting person he had ever met and promised himself to get to know her better, and a delicious vanilla cake that Jess had made was eaten. Dean could even be quoted as to saying "Almost as good as pie." Jess had laughed and thanked Dean for the highest compliment possible from him. Cas was especially happy when the bear he had brought Mary was decided by her to be the best gift and she spent the rest of the party carefully teetering around with the bear in her arms. At 10 Jess declared that it was Mary's bedtime and people could stay, but of they were to loud and woke Mary she would skin them. Dean had laughed and said he better get going because he has work the next day. After a series of goodbyes and exchanging numbers Cas and Dean were on their way home.

"Getting to know your family was great." Cas said once they were in the car

"Glad you had fun, now I just have to meet your family." Dean said jokingly.

"Well good luck getting them all in one place." Cas replied. Dean laughed as he popped a cassette tape of Led Zeppelin. Cas slowly started to drift off and soon fell asleep to the sound of Zeppelin filling the car.


	8. It was happy to soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas messes up. Again. Because he's stupid and doesn't listen to Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late because of that I haven't had my beta reader look at it if you see mistakes please tell me and I will fix them also sorry but Cas ain't changing his mind anytime soon 
> 
> Oh side note I wrote a one shot based on escape (the piña colada song) that you guys should go check out. Thanks!

When Dean's attempts to wake up Cas failed he gave up and just drove to his home. When he got there it was 11 and Dean was exhausted. He pulled into his dark driveway and walked around to the passenger side it get Cas. When. He opened the passenger door it squeaked loudly, but Cas stayed in his deep sleep. "Great, he's a heavy sleeper." Dean mumbled annoyedly. Dean scooped Cas up in his arms like an overgrown child and smiled slightly when Cas snuggled against him. When Dean got to the door he was faced with the challenge of opening his door while holding a full grown man. After the moment of fear when he almost dropped his keys Dean eventually got inside and carried Cas to the extra bedroom. When he put Cas down on the bed he took off Cas's trench coat, tie, and shoes. After making sure he was comfortable Dean dragged himself to his bed and went to bed himself.

~~~

When Cas woke up in the morning and saw sunlight shining through the window the first thought to go through his head was where am I? Slowly the memories started to come back to him and he realized he must be at Dean's house. He looked around the small room and saw his jacket and tie laying folded on a chair in the corner of the room with his shoes. Cas smiled and decided to see if Dean was awake before getting ready to go. When he exited the room he walked down a short hallway with light green walls. The plush carpet was warm and Cas was thankful he didn't have to brave cold tile like he did at his house every morning. At the end of the hallway was a living room the walls were the same light green as the hallway and the carpet continued into that room. When Dean entered it he saw Dean sitting on the couch reading and drinking coffee. 

"Hey Cas you're awake!" Dean said smiling. "Do you want coffee?" He continued.

"No. I don't usually drink coffee, but do you have a tea of some sort?" Cas asked.

"Umm, I think they're might be some from when Sam visited. I'll go check." As he said this Dean stood up and went to the kitchen which was separated by a half wall. Cas followed and stood waiting while he opened various cabinets. "Is English breakfast okay?" Dean asked when he found the small box.

"Yeah. I can make it myself if you tell me where you're mugs are." Cas said stuttering a little.

"No it's fine I've got it." Dean said trying to hide his small smile.

As Dean made Cas his tea Cas went and sat at the small four person table in the middle of the room. "Dean I think I need to make it clear that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship right now." Cas said nervously. Dean's smile faltered and he almost dropped bowl of sugar he was holding as Cas continued speaking. "I've always know I was gay and my soulmate would be a man, but I don't want this to be romantic right now. I don't know when I'll change my mind about that and it might be never." Cas continued his voice growing slightly more confident adrenaline pumping through his body. As he waited for Dean to reply he became more and more frightened of what the reaction might be. When Dean sat down across from Cas, and handed Cas his tea he could feel tears forming behind his eyes as hundreds of possibilities ran through his head all of them bad. 

After about a minute of them just sitting there in silence Dean looked up at Cas "If that's how you feel, and you want to be friends before anything romantic happens that's fine. But I want you to know that's not how I feel and this might be hard for me. Because god dammit Cas I've only known you for a few days, but I know that I really fucking love you and I'll do anything to keep you in my life." Now it was Dean's turn to wait Cas had a look of shock on his face when Dean finished. 

"You don't mean that." Cas said shaking his head. "You're just trying to use me like every other fucking guy who's ever liked me." Tears started to roll from Cas's eyes and Dean felt powerless he didn't know now he could help Cas.

"Cas what do you mean? Have you been abused?" Dean asked trying to find the right words.

"I think I should leave." Cas stood up and began to walk towards the front door.

"Wait! Cas I can drive you home." Dean sounded despatate, but Cas just ingnored him and walked out the door leaving his jacket, tie and shoes behind.

After he had walked a block he stopped and pulled out his phone, thank god he at least had that. The morning dew and the rough dirty sidewalk had already take their toll and Cas's feet were turning a shade of light brown. As he stared at them he dialed Gabe. The phone rang for what felt like ages until a groggy Gabe answered "Hello?" Gabe sounded just about as annoyed as someone half asleep could.

"Gabe I need you to pick me up from the bowling alley near the boardwalk?" Cas asked desperately.

"Damn Cas what are you doing there?" Gabe questioned sounding slightly more awake and really confused.

"It's a long story. Please just come get me." Cas begged.

"Fine, but you're telling me why I'm picking you up at 6:30 in the morning when I get there. I need my beauty sleep you know." 

"Thank you Gabe." Cas said before hanging up. After me put his phone in his pocket he went to sit on a bench in front if the bowling alley. The adrenaline had worn off and he now realized it was really cold. As Cas hugged himself trying to stay warm he mentally lectured himself saying he was stupid for thinking Dean would ever be okay with just being friends. Tears slowly rolled down his face as he promised himself he was going back to square one. No more Dean. No more soulmate. He had messed up too big, and this was over. Then Gabe's Honda pulled up.

"Get in big brother and tell me what's up." Gave said leaning out the window. Cas wiped his eyes and got into the passenger seat.

"I messed up." Cas said settling into the cool leather seat.

"Cas, you do that everyday be more specific." Gabe whined sarcastically.

"I told Dean I didn't want to be romantically involved with him, then he told me ok, but I should know that he loves me. Ok Gabe, so I fucked up and I shouldn't have thought Dean would be ok with just being friends." Cas buried his face in his hands as he thought of the moment.

"Um Cas might just be me, but that sounds like Dean was ok with just being friends." Gabe said with a smirk.

"It's over I'm never talking to him again." Cas still had his head in his hands and was as usual ignoring Gabe's advice.

When they arrived as Cas's small apartment Cas thanked his brother for the ride and climbed the stairs to his floor. When he got up to his floor he fixed the out of service sign that had been hanging from the elevator for over a month now, and walked into the small apartment. For some reason the bright colors clashing that he had once liked now just annoyed him. Cas gave up his mental battle with himself and fell asleep on his couch thinking about his much he was gonna miss his soulmate and his bright green eyes


	9. Another note

I'm sorry I haven't had much inspiration for this story and I'm truthfully not sure where I should go next with this I'll try to update it before next week but it might be longer. I just wanted people to know that I'm not abandoning this because I know how annoying reading a fic and wanting the next chapter then realizing it hasn't updated in a year is


	10. How it all started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas remembers every thing that left him so broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for rape and abuse

After Cas stormed out, Dean was left staring at the door, the sound of it slamming ringing in his ears. He stood there in his living room staring at the door for almost 20 minutes waiting and hoping Cas would come back for his forgotten clothes so they could talk, but it never happened. Dean sighed and sat down on his couch, accepting that Cas wasn't coming back today. Still, Cas's words bounced around in his head. You're just trying to use me. Dean needed to know what he meant, so he tried calling Cas to see if he would talk. After 5 tries and getting his voicemail every time, Dean gave up and called Gabe in the hope he would know.

"Hey Dean." Gabe said when he picked up. "Called to ask if I can help my big brother stop hating you?"

"What?! He said he hates me? Man I knew I shouldn't have told him I loved him," Dean sighed. He was beginning to regret calling Gabe.

"Nah I'm just messing with you. However, he did say something along the lines of never talking to you again."

"What?!" Dean yelled. "You better be kidding Gabe!"

"Swear I'm not." Gabe responded with a smirk. "Anyway what did you call about?"

"Well, I wanted to know why Cas told me I was trying to use him like every other guy he's dated, but now I'm a little more curious about the whole never talking to me again thing." Dean responded snarkily.

"Oh." For the first time ever, Gabriel Novak was speechless.

"Gabe, did something happen to Cas? Was he abused?" Dean's voice was laced with worry and he stood up to begin to pace the room.

"Look Dean, this isn't my story to tell. Please just call Cas and ask him." Gabe sounded worried and there was a seriousness in his voice that sounded weird coming from him.

"I already tried calling him. I think he might be following through on that not talking to me thing." Dean said as he walked into the kitchen to get water. He glanced at Cas's cup of tea and carefully picked it up, poured out the tea, and put in the dishwasher.

Gabe sighed "Fine, but only because I think his soulmate deserves to know. When Cas was 16, we lived in LA for a while. Cas loved it. It's what inspired him to start writing. He would create stories for everyone he saw and when he could he wrote them down, but what he really loved about it was that it was where he met his first boyfriend. He was a year older than Cas and his name was Jake. Cas must have really loved him considering what he went through. Jake would abuse him. Rape him, humiliate him, he acted like Cas was just a toy. To make it worse he cheated on him countless times, with boys and girls. Cas couldn't end it though he was scared to because Jake threatened to kill both of them if he did. And every so often, Jake was the perfect guy. But it never lasted long. One day he would be taking Cas out to dinner and treating him like royalty, and the next he would be dragging him into sketchy clubs and making him give him a blowjob in the bathroom. Cas would come home with bruises and the most miserable, embarrassed look. Either our parents didn't notice, or they just didn't care. Eventually he told me and I had to pay a thug look-alike to tell him to leave Cas alone or he'd never see daylight again. Miraculously, it worked and Cas could move on, but I guess he never fully did. It doesn't surprise me it lasted for almost a year. I'm not surprised it still haunts him, I was hoping it wouldn't have a lasting effect though." Gabe paused "Please don't tell him I told you, he'll kill me."

Tears were streaming down Dean's face "I won't,” he choked out.

"Look Dean, I know it's a lot to digest and I probably shouldn't just tell you that and hang up, but I really have to go. The cafe is packed there's a shit ton of surfers."

"Ok." Dean said after he hung up he sat in the chair where Cas had been only hours before. Dean was angry. Not because Cas hadn't told him about his past, but because Cas had to experience that torture.

~~~

When Cas woke up his face was covered in dried tears and snot and his back felt like hundreds of knives had been forced into it. As he stretched he announced "I'm never sleeping on that couch again." Then he remembered what had happened earlier that day. "Oh." He whispered to no one in particular. The memories from that year in Los Angeles came back in a rush leaving Cas gasping for breath. The memories that he had spent most of his life trying to suppress were now all he could think about.

_"Cassie! Come on, let's go! The moving truck is here and we have to pack!" Gabe yelled. His light brown hair was a mess on top of his head, and a lollipop was hanging from his mouth._

_"I'm coming Gabe!" Cas yelled back. He came running out of the house wearing dark jeans, Converse, a black t-shirt, and a tan trench coat to complete the look. He was carrying a backpack over one shoulder and held a black notebook in his left hand. He threw them into the front seat of his parents car. "Shotgun" he lazily called._

_"I don't think so Castiel." Lucifer said as he walked over. Luke grabbed Cas's stuff and dumped it on the ground. "Have fun in the back." he said as he hopped in the front seat pulling on the headphones to his Walkman._

_"Luke you still need to pack your stuff into the truck." Cas argued._

_"And I'm trusting you to do that Cas." Lucifer turned on his music with a smug look on his face._

_Over the next few hours Cas, Michael, and Gabe worked together to pack the contents of their small house into a truck while their mom worked out the lease so they could move back in after their year in LA. Their dad had gone there ahead to make sure the lease was worked out correctly._

_Before they left, a few of Gabe, Michael, and Luke's friends came over to say goodbye, but no one came for Cas. Instead he sat in the back of his parents car and sketched._

_When they got to LA, Cas was astonished. He had never seen something so wonderful. Palm trees were everywhere and surfboards were strapped to the tops of cars. Then they pulled into the driveway of a simple two story house._

_"Welcome to our new home!" Cas's mom said, turning to face her younger children in the back seat._

_Everyone was shocked this was by far the largest home they've lived in, for once they might not have to share rooms. "Are we sharing rooms?" Gabe asked._

_"No. The house has a master bedroom and 4 small rooms so you won't have to share." Their mom said smiling. "Now go get your beds set up and your stuff into your rooms and we can go out for dinner."_

_After a chorus of thank you mother, the boys walked over to the moving truck and began to move their stuff to their assigned rooms. Cas set up his small black desk and his bed before stacking the rest of his boxes in a neat pile in the corner. Then he sat at his desk and continued his sketch it was of his namesake, the angel Castiel. He had the body complete and was working on the large wings that filled up the page when Michael barged in._

_"Come on Asstiel, we’re leaving for dinner." Michael sneered._

_"I'm coming." Cas said ignoring the overused insult and closing his sketch book._

_After a dinner at a nearby local restaurant, they went home. The next morning, Cas woke up bright and early to get ready for school. His mother had strategically moved them in on a Sunday so the next day they could go to school. He put on his usual jeans and a t-shirt before throwing on his Converse and trench coat._

_"Come on Gabe I'll walk to school with you." Cas said grabbing a granola bar and stuffing it in his backpack_

_Gabe ran to get his backpack and followed Cas out the door._

_At school, Cas dragged himself to each class until art. In art class, Cas was at peace. He worked on his angel and when the teacher came over, he was praised on his work. Cas hadn't been happier in years. It was made even better when the star of the baseball team, who Cas had already learned swung both ways, made his way over to sit next to Cas._

_"I'm Jake" the tall blonde said, sticking out his hand._

_"Cas." He replied, shyly shaking Jake's hand._

_"Are you drawing an angel? It looks amazing! I could never draw anything that detailed." Jake said with awe._

_"Yes. He's the angel I was named after, Castiel." Cas looked Jake in the eyes as he said this and let his mouth turn into a small smile._

_"Hey we should get coffee after school. Meet me at the baseball field." Jake said as the bell rang dismissing them to lunch._

_"Oh ok I guess I'll see you then" Cas said trying to hide his surprise, but inside he felt like fireworks were going off in his heart._

_After getting coffee that first time, he would sit with Jake at lunch, cheer him on at games, and of course get coffee with him after school. Everything was going better than it ever had, he was even regretting moving after the school year was over. Then during one of their daily coffee meet ups Jake leaned over and kissed Cas. It was Cas's first kiss and was nothing like he expected. His lips were soft and tasted like coffee, it was better than he ever imagined. Cas thought that if he never finds his soulmate, he’ll get to stay with Jake forever, and he would be fine without color in his life._

_This perfect relationship went on for two weeks, then one night Jake brought Cas to a little club that was known around his school for not checking ID. Jake kept forcing Cas to drink the sweet alcohol filled drinks until he felt like puking._

_"I have to pee." Cas slurred. Jake nodded and lead a stumbling Cas to the men's room. After he went to the bathroom he pulled Cas into another room. The room was small and smelled like cleaning supplies._

_"Why are you putting me back in the closet?" Cas giggled at his joke then realized he hadn't come out to his parents yet. This realization made him laugh even harder until he forced himself to sit on the overturned bucket to avoid falling._

_"Take off your pants." Jake said forcefully, ignoring Cas's joke._

_"What?" Cas said beginning to sober up as his brain realized what was happening."No," he said. "I don't want to."_

_"Take off your pants Cas, or I swear you're gonna regret it." Jake pulled Cas off of the stool and pushed him into the corner._

_"Please don't make me." Cas whimpered, tears filling his eyes. When Jake moved closer he flinched preparing to be punched. Instead Jake kicked Cas's legs making him fall to his knees._

_"Fucking stay there or I'll fuck you dry." He threatened. Cas obeyed and stayed still as tears streamed down his face. Jake pulled down his pants and forced his partially hard dick into Cas's mouth. "You bite me and you won't survive. Now suck me off you good for nothing slut!" Cas slowly started moving his mouth up and down Jake's length until Jake grabbed his head and forced him to take it all. Cas gagged as he tried to breathe and tried to beg Jake to stop. Before he could the words out, Jake slapped him hard across the face. "Say another word and you won't be able to sit for days. Try explaining that to Mommy and Daddy." Jake's moans filled the small closet, overpowering Cas's quiet sobs. When he finished he came all over Cas's black hair before rubbing it in and laughing. The slap had resulted in a blue and purple bruise across his face, but makeup and making sure nobody looked at his face for too long kept people from noticing, except for Gabe._

_This happened for the next few days, then when Jake's parents were out of town, he dragged Cas over to his house and forced his to do a striptease. Cas was fine with this he really did love Jake, he just didn't want to give him blowjobs in closets at sketchy clubs. Everything was great. They were watching movies and cuddling, then Jake stripped too. This was the first time Cas had ever seen him fully naked. Jake disappeared for a minute then came back with condoms and lube._

_"I'm not ready Jake. I'm only 16." Cas whispered, fearful of how Jake might react._

_"You'll be fine." Jake said pumping his dick a few times before rolling on the condom. "Just roll over."_

_Cas obeyed, not wanting to know what would happen if he didn't. Jake slid his lubed finger inside of Cas, the feeling was weird but not unpleasant. Then one finger was replaced by two, and two by three. At this point it was beginning to hurt and Cas was tensing up. Then Jake removed his fingers and began to push his large dick into Cas. "Stop! It hurts too much!" Cas cried. His butt felt like it was being ripped in two and stung like lemon juice in a cut._

_"Suck it up slut." Jake said pushing harder. He pumped in and out of Cas as he cried for him to stop. When he came he dug his nails into Cas's arm, cutting deep marks in his skin. When he pulled out, he ran upstairs to shower, leaving Cas a shivering mess on the carpet._

_This went on for 8 months with occasional breaks from the humiliation. Then, near the end of the school year, Cas came home from a night with Jake and ran up to his room. When he opened the door Gabe was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on his face. "What's he doing to you?" Gabe asked in a quivering voice._

_Cas broke down. He pulled his younger brother into a tight hug and for some reason told him the abuse that he had been enduring the entire school year. The next day after school, Gabe took his entire savings and walked to an alley near where his parents volunteered and found a gang. The group of about three men had confusion written all over their faces when a kid who was barely over 5' walked over carrying a light blue piggy bank._

_"We don't sell drugs." one said._

_"I don't want drugs. I want one of you to tell by brother’s boyfriend to stop hitting him and to leave him alone. I don't like seeing him coming home with bruises, and Mommy and Daddy don't notice. Please I'll give you all my savings. It's almost $50." Gabe had tears in his eyes and and intense fear that they would say no._

_"I'll do it." The man who had spoken earlier said. "My sister went through something similar."_

_Gabe gave him Jake's information and Cas was never bothered by his abuser again. When they went home to San Diego, Cas gave up on his art and let writing absorb his time instead, but he kept the picture of the angel Castiel with a sleek blade through his heart tacked up on his wall as a reminder of what he went through._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone can art and draws that castiel with the angel blade through his heart thing I will love you forever just comment if you decide to and I'll give you my tumblr/Instagram to send it to me :)


	11. ITS BACK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years have passed and Dean realizes he needs to find Cas
> 
> TW ABUSE AND RAPE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a really long time since I've updated this. I apologize for that. Most of this was actually written a month ago but about 20 minutes ago I rushed an ending and this is what happened. I plan on continuing updating this, but I don't know when I'll have time to write it. Currently I'm focusing on a phanfic I'm writing for an event so that has an actual deadline (October 1st) and this fic isn't my main priority right now however I swear on my life this is going to continue I'm not sure where it's going yet, but I think I like it

Dean didn't see Cas for two years, but he never forgot his blue eyed soulmate. Every night Dean would dream about Cas and the abuse he survived.

He went about his life as close to normally as he could and grew closer to his sister-in-law and his now three year old niece. Everyday he had off of work he would drive to Palo Alto and drink coffee with Jess and read books to Mary. Jess was a good listener. She would listen to his problems and she never judged him, not even when he told her he wasn't going after Cas. To Dean Jess saved him. She held him when he broke down crying over Cas, and let him sleep in their guest room when he needed to. In exchange Dean helped look after mary since Sam had made partner and was alway working.

On the day that marked two years since Dean met Cas he went to Sam's house and ate dinner with them. After dinner they watched dean's favorite movie, Captain America, and went to bed. Dean knew they were doing all of this to try and distract him, but it didn't work. Dean couldn't shake the memory of his soulmate's bright blue eyes that he might never see again.

In Dean's dream Cas was 16. He was lying in the fetal position, naked, covered in bruises and cuts and he was in a small pool of blood. The room was made of concrete and had one light that flickered and filled the room with an eerie glow. "Please don't come back, please don't come back." Cas whispered. The door creaked open and in walked a faceless boy

"Oh Castiel were going to have so much fun." He sneered

"Jake please don't hurt me." Cas shrank into the corner trying to cover his head.

"But Cas, baby, I thought you loved me and you're just so sexy when you scream." Jake laughed as he walked over to Cas pulling him up harshly.

"I do love you, but please it hurts." Cas tried to reason, but Jake was having none of it. Dean watched Jake attack his beautiful soulmate wishing he could save Cas as screams and cries filled the dark, cold, concrete room. He woke up covered in a cold sweat with tears slipping down his face silently.

_I have to find him_ after 2 years he was gonna find Cas. He started by calling Gabe they were still in touch and every so often he would stop in the cafe to get a cup of coffee and a piece of their amazing pie.

"Hello?" An obviously tired Gabriel picked up the phone, but Dean couldn't care less about waking him

"Do you know where Cas is?" Dean side immediately.

"Dean? Why are you calling at 2AM?" Gabe asked sounding like he was about to fall back asleep.

"Because I need to find Cas." He answered simply.

"Dean look nobody on our family has had contact with him since he left you. No one knows where he is and if I did why would I tell you? You _are_ the reason he left in the first place."

"No I'm not." Dean tried to argue "that sick bastard, James, is."

"Oh no I think I know where he is." Gabe mumbled realization dawning on him at the mention of James.

"Where?" Dean asked eagerly.

"LA."

"Oh." The silence that filled the line was unbearable until finally Gabe spoke.

Yeah "oh"  you reminded him of his crappy teen years and he goes running back to them. I bet you $50 he's trying to find Jake to "relive" the memories and "learn" from them. Actually after two years he probably already has and is now in the same loop of abuse as before. Shit." Gabe didn't exactly sound angry, just tired and sad.

"Gabe I'm coming over to your house right now. You better have the tickets booked but the time I get there." Dean grabbed his overnight bag and began stuffing clothes into it not caring it was barely enough for a week and if he was right his trip would be lasting much longer than that.

"Dean what in the ever living fluff are you talking about?" By this point Gabe was fully awake, but somehow way behind in the conversation.

"Gabe we're going to LA and finding Cas." Dean hung up before he received an answer and headed to his beloved car. As much as he hated flying he needed to get to Cas as fast as possible and the eight hour drive would delay him to much. Before leaving he left a note explaining where he was going and left Bobby a voicemail message saying he would be gone for a while. Which that Dean Winchester set of on what might have been the most important mission he's ever faced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so short it was this or nothing


	12. Flying Gets You There Faster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Gabe head to LA to find Cas

After arriving at Gabe's house at 4am and explaining to his very confused wife why they were catching a red eye flight to LA Dean drove them to the airport far faster than was legal.

"Dean didn't you once tell me that you hate flying." Gabe asked as the two sprinted through the airport.

"Yes Gabe, and shut up about it I'll down a few drinks and I'll be fine." Dean was lying. he had never had more anxiety about a situation in his life. He was minutes away from facing his biggest phobia and if all went well mere hours from seeing his beautiful blue eyed soulmate for the first time in two years. Drowning a few drinks would do nothing to help. 

As they sat on the plane Gabriel sat frowning at his phone and trying to figure out who he could trust to look over the cafe. He had already emailed all his employees and the cafe was to be closed until he found someone to come in and overlook everything. So far the list was fairly pathetic and only consisted of the one person he didn't want to ask a favor, his brother lucifer. Dean sat next to him clutching the armrest and taking deep breath after deep breath. he sounded like he was giving birth and honestly just wanted to get this flight over with. 

"Good morning and thank you for choosing southwest airlines we know you had a lot of choices and are honored you chose us!" As the perky flight attendant made the announcements Dean put in earbuds and began listening to Metallica, thankful southwest let you use iPods during takeoff and landing. Soon the plane sped up and as it took off Dean couldn't help but imagine all the horrible ways the plane could crash. Thankfully they made it LA in one piece but as soon as they landed realized Gabe hadn't booked a hotel.

"Gabe you literally had one job." Dean said glaring at his friend.

"First of all that's not true I had to book the tickets also, and secondly I was half asleep what did you expect of me?" He said in defense of his mistake.

"Fuck Gabe, what are we suppose to do?" Dean grabbed his small bag and sighed "come on let's just get a taxi."

"Wait, so what's the plan?" Gabe followed Dean dragging his large suitcase behind him, he had definitely packed better than Dean.

"I don't know, I was just gonna go to a motel and get a room." As he spoke he hailed a taxi and began to load their bags into the trunk.

"You said hotel right? Cause this is LA I'm not staying in a sketchy ass motel." 

"Gabe we can stay in a hotel if you're paying, cause I don't got that kind of money." Dean gave Gabe a bitch face as he slid into germ filled taxi, already missing his baby who was sitting in long term parking.

"Where to boys?" The taxi driver asked sounding like he ate gravel on a daily basis.

"The Marriott." Gabe answered before Dean could speak.

The driver nodded and began driving to the nearby hotel.

"You better be paying." Dean said settling into his seat and admiring the new city outside his window.

"Dean waffles every morning." Gabe said trying to lighten the mood.

"Well I'm not monitoring your waffle intake, so don't blame me when Kali puts you on a diet cause you gained 20 pounds."

When they arrived at the hotel Gabriel skipped up to the front desk dragging Dean and his suitcase behind him.

"Hello would you like to check in." The teenager at the front desk asked in a bored tone.

Despite the unenthusiastic employee Gabe responded in his most gleeful tone "we were wondering if you had any available rooms. We've come across the state to find my missing baby brother!" He exclaimed dramatically.

"Gabe, Cas is older than you."

The teen rolled her eyes and began clicking at the screen. "We have a room with two queens available. Is that suitable?" She asked with the same bored tone as before. 

"Yes!" Gabe called his hands as he spoke never letting his smile falter. However his usually contagious happiness was having zero effect on the young woman helping them.

"Okay here's your keys it's room 376. How long will you be staying?" She asked trying to get rid of them a s quickly as possible.

"A month." Dean said before Gabe could continue his performance.

"Okay I'll need a card to put it on." The teen replied with a sigh.

Gabe handed her his card bowing his head as he did so. She swiped it quickly before unceremoniously dropping it back into his hands "have a nice day." She said whipping out her phone and beginning to type frantically, probably telling her friends about the freaks who just checked in.

The two dragged their asses up to the 3rd floor and found there room. Gabe flopped on the first bed and let out a huge sigh.

"I guess I'll take the other bed than." Dean said entering after Gabe and throwing his small bag on the other bed. He looked at his surrounding. It was nicer than any other place he had stayed, which wasn't much considering he'd only ever stayed at motels. The hotel they had choosen was one made for longer stays, because of this the room was pretty big and consisted of three rooms. The living room had a small kitchen attached with a fridge, microwave, and oven, this meant they thankfully wouldn't be living off room service, the room also had the bedroom which held two queen sized beds and a small bathroom.

"Gabe this hotel literally looks like an apartment building that a hotel slapped its logo on." Dean said. When they arrived he had immediately noticed the layout was similar to a motel, with the doors to rooms outside, and the check in building separate.

"Yeah Dean this Marriott is built to live in for short periods of time." Gabe stood up off the bed and walked to the kitchen with Dean following closely behind. He began to open cabinets seeing what the hotel had supplied. He quickly coffee and began to make a pot, soon after he found plates, bowls, silverware, and cups. 

"Jesus Dean why is the concept of this so confusing to you." Gabe said looking at Dean who was staring at the cabinets with wide eyes. Dean quickly snapped back to reality looking embarrassed.

"Um, let's just start looking for Cas." He said his words stumbling over his tongue. He went and grabbed a phone book he had seen earlier and returned to Gabriel smiling. The two sat down at the small table in the living room and began looking for Castiel Novak.

After pouring through all the N last names, and having no luck they took a short brake and ordered take out for dinner since they still had no groceries. 

"Hey Gabe maybe we should look for Jake do you remember his last name?" Dean asked as he stuffed orange chicken into his mouth.

"Yeah it's Taylor, but that's not exactly an uncommon name there could be dozens of Jake Taylors." Gabe replied popping another fortune cookie into his mouth, and ignoring the fortune.

"Then we'll call them all." Dean said as if it was obvious.

Gabe sighed and flipped to the T last names looking for the name of a person he never wanted to think about again.


	13. Another authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to start writing this ahain

Oh hello I just wanted to say that although I did take an extremely long break from this story (during which I and came up with ideas for many more fics and even write a few) I've decided to start writing it again. I have also decided to take this story in a different direction so while I most likely will not make many rewrites I just want you to know that where this story is now going to be going is not even close to how I originally planned so I'm sorry if he next few chapters are a little eh I promise they'll get better quickly 

Thank you everyone who has stuck with this story or is just now discovering it I could not be more thankful


End file.
